Disclaimer

IMPORTANT:This website is intended for the use of the visiting individual(s) and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. Any dissemination, distribution or copying of this websites content is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning,  it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the design and hosting of this website, although the cat next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have reached this site in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.